Tell Me What You Want: Knights of Texas Book One Page 3

  “Can I ask what happened?”

  Her airways squeezed shut. Not this, please. Not after my first night of real sleep.

  “It’s okay,” Renner amended, clearly reading what had to be anguish on her face.

  Something in his eyes caught her attention. Something that told her he cared, and his protective nature was hurt by her refusal.

  “I’d rather just be alone. I have a lot to do today.” The mail was the first she swore to get through. It screamed at her every time she walked by.

  Renner sighed and kissed her knuckles again. “It was lovely to meet you, Cassie. If you need anything else, just call.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a card. His name and phone number were etched in white letters across a pewter background. Nothing else. “For discretion.” His smile was more genuine than before.

  “Thank you, Renner,” she replied. She read his last name off the card. “Renner Shaw.”

  “Anytime.”

  Cassie kept her feet planted to the carpet as he clopped down the stairs.

  He’d been exactly what she’d needed. An understanding person with no attachments or preconceptions about her. To fill a space so she could recoup and build energy. Today would be the first in her life that she was truly alone.

  No Landon. No Kyle…

  Did she want to go to bed that way tonight? If she could sleep at all.

  What if all that would happen was her tossing and crying all night in a truly empty house? Merely only a reflection of her heart.

  Alone, broken and empty.

  “Renner?” She managed to keep from sounding panicked, and ran out of her bedroom.

  He stood by the open door with his hand on the knob. He smiled up at her as she gripped the railing.

  “Are you free tonight?”

  His smile slipped.

  Oh God. He thinks I’m asking him out. How many customers had he turned down?

  “Um…” He rubbed the back of his neck.

  “I’m just hoping for another night’s sleep, is all. And if you’re not booked…”

  The poignant stare he gave her made her stop. “I’ll be here, Cassie.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  Renner

  Another overnight appointment, prepaid, on Renner’s calendar. At least expectations weren’t a mystery. This felt different. Not like he was a Knight, but in his bodyguard role. Just a different kind of guarding.

  His forte; he’d loved it. The job requirements had fit his protective nature perfectly. He’d been that way since he was a kid. But too many close calls, including that last critical trip to the hospital, had forced him to change careers.

  Renner strode up Cassie’s walkway in jeans and a gray t-shirt, carrying a bag of goodies for the night. Not the typical chocolates and flowers for a date, or even ‘toys’ for some of his eccentric clients.

  These were just for Cassie. To make her smile, and more importantly, relax.

  When he rang the doorbell, her voice drifted through.

  “It’s open.”

  The house was picked up, complete with vacuum streaks on the carpeting. Lemon cleaner filled the air, and Cassie stood by the sink with her back turned.

  She was in her comfortable pajamas again, and cute bare feet. Good. Just what he’d hoped for. Her hair was loose this time, falling just below her shoulder blades.

  “I brought a few surprises for you.” He grinned and set the bag on the kitchen table. The stack of mail had now been reduced to a small pile of papers. No blueberry muffin mix boxes on the counter, and the sink was empty. She’d been busy.

  Cassie turned and spotted the bag, a confused smile on her lips.

  Words dissipated. This was a different woman in front of him. Nothing zombie about her.

  Pink cheeks, smooth hair framing her unwrinkled face combined with smiling eyes. Revived and…comfortable.

  Beautiful.

  “What?” she asked.

  “You look great.”

  A grin split her face. “No, what’s in the bag?”

  “Oh. Yeah…” Smooth move, jackoff. Renner pulled out several bags of popcorn and three movies. “First surprise. Your pick between two action flicks or a comedy. Time to check our brains at the door for the night.” He’d been careful not to pick romances or dramas. She’d clearly experienced enough of both recently.

  Cassie really had an excellent smile with perfectly straight teeth. The kind people paid thousands for orthodontists to copy. Totally understandable how a guy could fall in love with her at first grin.

  Not that that was what this was.

  “Fantastic choices, Renner.” She picked the comedy and grabbed the popcorn. “You get that started and I’ll heat these up.”

  Goal number one, get her to smile— accomplished.

  “What’s the other surprise?” she called from the kitchen as he fiddled with the machine.

  “That’s for later,” he grinned.

  For goal number two.

  When Cassie chose the opposite side of the couch than Renner, each with their own little bowl of popcorn, a twinge of disappointment panged his chest. She still didn’t trust him. Or care for any show of intimacy. However, the fact that she hadn’t chosen the armchair on the other side of the room was promising. Loosening up a little at a time.

  He couldn’t expect overnight transformations. Particularly with something this dramatic in her life. It wasn’t like Renner could ease her worries with a quick romp, or even a heart stopping make-out session.

  Many clients expected dripping heat the second he pressed the doorbell, to escape their lives even for an hour. That was his goal for every one of them. To help them escape.

  Not with Cassie.

  Digging to his roots—his protective instincts—was the only thing that would help her.

  Although, he’d stop at calling himself a savior. He’d been careful in this new career to distance himself from that label. It had too much responsibility, coupled with unachievable expectations. Like that damn magazine declaring the Sexiest Man Alive had any implications on bedroom skills.

  Renner’s were exceptional, of course.

  “What are you smirking at?” Cassie broke into his thoughts.

  “Um…just glad to see you relaxed,” he half-lied. “You’ve clearly had a busy day.”

  “Oh, yeah. All that just…snuck up on me. But it’s easier to get all of it done without my son running around the house.”

  “Does your mom have him again tonight?”

  “Actually…” She fiddled with a popcorn kernel between her fingers. “My mom and dad took him camping for the week. Get him away from everything so I could…sleep.” Her smile slowly disappeared as she spoke. Cassie’s eyes were on one of the kid’s pictures on the shelf of knick-knacks across the room.

  The love and worry in her eyes reminded him of several clients he’d protected as a bodyguard. Mothers were the ultimate figures in that role. Guarding not only their children’s bodies, but their minds and hearts as well.

  An endless job, from which no one ever retired. And never grew easier with time.

  Now, she had to do it alone. With no one to protect her.

  “You think too much,” she broke in again.

  Renner chuckled. “That’s my line.”

  Throughout the movie, he let her slowly relax on the couch without impeding on her space. She’d chuckled in a few places, but no outright laughter. Maybe she’d seen the movie before, but that didn’t matter. Her small smile had been in place for most of the flick. Toward the end, Renner noticed her legs weren’t curled as tightly underneath her, and her toes were only a few inches away from his thigh.

  Time for goal number two.

  Renner pushed himself off the couch and grabbed the bag from the table.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Just keep watching. I’ll be right back.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Cassie

  Cassie had seen the movie before, but it didn’t matte
r. Renner had clearly shown he cared about helping her. Warmth spread through her torso. She had to admit his genuine smile and eagerness were a bit contagious. His preference of movies was noteworthy.

  Even after he’d left the room, his cologne lingered in the air. Not the same scent he’d worn last night. Probably a smart thing. This one was more woodsy and earthy. He had good taste there, as well.

  Everything about him was in good taste—clothes, manners, general grooming.

  Except his profession.

  Who went from a bodyguard to an escort?

  A faint rushing noise whooshed overhead. The water pipes.

  He’s taking a bath?

  Cassie went to the stairs, but when her hand reached the railing, she stopped.

  Trusting people was difficult, at least right now. So much of her life was in chaos and it was hard to let go of the little control she held. This was her house and it was the easiest thing to claim power over.

  But she’d told him to feel free to use the bathroom. TV, music, anything.

  It’s just a freakin’ bath, Cass. Get over it.

  She returned to the couch and curled her feet under her legs. It was a decent summer night outside, but shivers rippled through her body, and the chenille blanket didn’t cut it. What chilled her more was anticipating what normally came after the shivers.

  Panic attacks.

  It’d happened every night since…

  Cassie had never had one until that first day back from the hospital. She’d been alone, would never be held by him again, never hear the garage door open when he returned from work. Would never kiss him again. Their plans for another child were dashed. Landon would always be an only child.

  Her heart caved and she squeezed her legs to her chest, making herself as small as possible. Everything closed in on her and all she could see was her knees, trembling at the end of the tunnel. A vise gripped her lungs and breathing was impossible.

  No, Cassie. The therapist’s voice broke through in some distant void. Open up. You can’t breathe if you’re all closed. Open everything.

  She forced her legs to the floor and pressed into the couch.

  Open the body, open your fists, even your mouth. Get as wide as you can.

  One deep breath after another, the tunnel vision slowly subsided and tingles raced through her limbs.

  Her therapist had suggested anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants, whatever she thought would help. A drug addict’s dream sat right in front of her, her choice of prized pills, and she flat out rejected them.

  Her body had never responded well to over-the-counter medication, so Lord knew what kind of damage those prescription suckers would inflict on her already-frail body. She needed a good night’s sleep, not a coma-inducer.

  “Cassie?”

  She opened her eyes and saw him, upside down, leaning against the railing.

  Everything stopped.

  Sparkling blue eyes, wavy blond hair, and that incredible, smiling stare that’d made her heart melt the first time they met. And every moment since. It couldn’t be…

  Whirling around, she focused again. Kyle’s image was gone. Instead, the form that gripped the railing was Renner. There was no mistaking the hazel eyes and short dark hair. Inquisitive stare.

  Great, now I’m hallucinating. Maybe I do need those meds.

  “What’re you doing?” he asked.

  “Just…laying here.” Caught, spread open like a bug on a windshield. Cassie cringed and wanted to crawl under the couch.

  “Well, if you’re done with the movie.” He nodded to the TV, where the credits scrolled through. “Surprise number two is ready for you.”

  She took another deep breath and pushed off the couch. The tingling had settled and walking wasn’t difficult. She probably looked as winded as she felt.

  When she reached the railing, Renner took her hand and helped her up the stairs. His palm was warm and the callused fingers proved him a man of action, hard work, and little down time. Her clammy hand felt tiny in his.

  “You’re all wound up again,” he commented in a soothing voice. “Relax.”

  “I’m fine.” Her tight response failed at sounding calm.

  “It’s all right.” He squeezed her hand. “I have something to help with that.”

  Oh God. Please don’t let this be another attempt at…his job.

  Her escort guided her to the bedroom, where she sighed in relief. Exactly as it was before. But…he kept walking. When he opened the bathroom door, she stopped.

  Renner had run a bath. With lavender scented bubbles, tealight candles scattered throughout the room, and a mini-loofah sitting on the ledge. The mirror was fogged over and gentle music flowed from his phone tucked away on the counter.

  The thought and effort he’d put behind this touched her, just as the warmth in the humid bathroom eased the shivers from before. The lavender was heavenly, but Cassie couldn’t remember buying that scent. He must’ve brought it with him, along with all the candles.

  Wait. Does he intend to…

  “This is just for you,” he broke in, as if he’d read her mind. “So you can wipe the scared rabbit look from your face.”

  “You did all this for me?”

  “I got you to smile. Now, my goal is to get you to relax. In private.”

  Not likely, after a semi-panic attack.

  “Take your time. Come down when you’re ready.”

  With a squeeze of her shoulder, Renner closed the door behind him.

  She stood by the tub and let the humid air soak her face. Heat absorbed through her clothes and ebbed the remaining tremors. Cassie hadn’t had a bath in years. Showers were faster, more efficient and easier to clean.

  The music switched to a soothing piano melody…Yanni, from the sound of it.

  Renner knew how to please a woman. Kind of a job requirement. Whether skills he learned on the job, or a natural ability, she couldn’t guess. As sweet as he was, he was still a stranger. A kind and thoughtful stranger. She didn’t trust him yet. With his penchant for jumping straight to intimacy from the previous night, it was likely she couldn’t. What else should I expect? It was a possibility from the moment she picked up the phone to order his services.

  Cassie turned the lock. Then peeled off her clothes and tested the water. Nice and hot, but not scalding.

  Entering a bathtub wasn’t like peeling off a bandage. To truly savor it, submerging needed to be slow. “Screw it,” she murmured and dunked herself completely.

  The water burned her face, but she liked it. It was the fastest way to chase away the remnants of her panic attack. No sound, no demands, no pressures from the outside. Just the swirling heat encasing her like a womb.

  Taking her time, Cassie scrubbed every inch and absorbed the lavender like a drug. If she drank, this would be a perfect time for a glass of wine. Or a bottle. The relaxing music would have to be enough.

  Time escaped and she lost track of how many songs changed. When the water turned lukewarm and her skin pruned, she climbed out and let the bubbles cascade down her legs. She’d forgotten to grab a towel from the linen closet, but her Turkish robe hung in the master closet.

  A birthday gift from her husband.

  She wrapped herself in it and hugged her arms for another indiscriminate length of minutes.

  Blowing out the candles filled the bathroom with the twirling smoke of burnt wicks. The scent was almost as good as the lavender.

  Cassie brushed through her hair and rubbed lotion on her face. Her skin was still red from the hot bath, but that didn’t matter. Renner would never see it.

  Tucking herself into the robe, she unlocked the door and strode out of the bathroom. The wood floor in the hallway was cold under her bare feet, and there were no sounds coming from downstairs.

  Where’s Renner?

  When she turned the corner, she froze. Everything the relaxing bath had done to her muscles erased as she coiled inside.

  Renner stood by her son’s room, pee
ring inside the open door.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Renner

  All he wanted to find was a towel for Cassie. The careful planning in hopes to get her to relax, and he forgot the freakin’ towel. When he opened this door, his gut dropped to his heels.

  Her son’s room was messy, like a little boy’s room should be, but every inch was covered with pictures of what he assumed was her husband. On the night stand and dresser, snuggled between stuffed animals and hung all over the walls. The same ocean-colored eyes and lopsided smile as the kid.

  So this explains where all those missing frames went.

  He was too shocked to acknowledge his heart splitting.

  “What are you doing?” The tiny and terrified voice behind him pulled him from the trance. Cassie stood in the hallway, bundled up in a white robe like an Eskimo, clutching the fabric with pale knuckles. Fear had glazed over her eyes faster than a fifty-foot drop could have achieved.

  “I was looking for a towel.”

  “Shut the door,” she hissed.

  “Cassie—”

  “Shut it.”

  The door-click echoed down the silent hallway.

  “I wasn’t snooping—” Renner watched as her cheeks changed from a blushed pink to ash in a few blinks.

  Suddenly, her chest seemed to cave and she reached for her throat. Ashen cheeks turned a pallid blue before a gasp and choke escaped her colorless lips.

  “Cassie?”

  He’d barely moved two steps toward her before she collapsed to her knees.

  She put her hands out to catch herself, but they slid off the wall like broken strings, and she fell face first. He shot forward and caught her head before it smashed into the wood planks. Her momentum rolled her sideways into his outstretched arm and she looked up at him with dilated eyes.

  Panic attack.

  Renner had seen his fair share as a bodyguard. Her eyes were glued to his face, but she couldn’t see him. She couldn’t see anything. Her hands were clenched, and her jaw was wired shut.

  Scooping her rigid body into his arms, he rushed her to the bed. She hardly weighed anything, like a plywood board— light and stiff.